girl, coming home (2/2)

kindlecover

Well y’all, it’s official!

My poetry book ‘Girl, Coming Home’ is now available for purchase on Amazon, Kindle and Createspace.

I published it today because it felt right to publish on my birthday. Twenty six years on this earth and I finally feel proud of myself for something. It’s such a strange feeling, this mixture of excitement and dread and nervousness. This book is so personal and leaves me feeling incredibly vulnerable. Nevertheless, I am proud. I didn’t expect to get here but I did. So thank you to everyone who has been a part of the process.

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home
/hōm/
(noun)

1. not a place but a feeling. a feeling pitted in your chest of belonging and comfort and love. a feeling overwhelming your body from head to toe.

2. more than an arrangement of brick and mortar. it is bare skin on clean sheets and candles burning, warm dinner on the stove, your paintings hanging on the wall, dirty clothes piled up by the door, muddy paw prints on the floor.

3. something that can not be built in a handful of minutes, a matter of days. something that takes work; all of your time and energy and all of your love.

poem: “i am afraid to talk about my father”

I am afraid to talk about my father

I do not want to be told that what I remember is not right
but my head is full of things about him
that I wish I could forget

like the sour scent of alcohol
the sound of raised voices
a clenched fist
my heart pounding in fear
sleepless nights
rinse and repeat

like ring back tones and answering machines
the question who is this?
because two years is apparently long enough
to forget what your child’s voice sounds like

why would I want to make myself believe
that I was not important
to one of the two people
who brought me into this world?

I am afraid to talk about my father

because I cannot stand the anger
that floods my body at the mention of his name
the emptiness I feel when I think about him

anger and loneliness are the only things
that he ever gave to me

(and I do not want them)